Northeast Communities Against Substance Abuse
559 Hartford Pike, Suite 210B, Dayville, CT 06241
Ph.: (860) 779-9253  |  Fax: (860) 774-0827  |  Email: necasa@snet.net

Tips for Parents:
Graduation Time

Untie the Knot but Hold the String...

GRADUATION: A time of transition for teens and parents. parents find themselves in a dilemma regarding the best way to address most teens' concerns, with safety topping the list. Teens are ambivalent about the excitement of moving on and the anxiety of leaving behind the life they know.

Why Concern?

Binge drinking - Does your teen realize that binge drinking can possibly result in fatal alcohol poisoning? Large amounts of alcohol can affect judgement, lead to risky and even violent behavior and slow down reaction time. Statistics to consider: the leading cause of death of teens 15-24 is alcohol related car crashes, 15% of high school seniors drive while intoxicated, 7000 teenagers and young adults die in alcohol related car crashes, and it is illegal to purchase or consume alcohol under the age of 21.

What Can Parents Do?

Before talking to your teen about drinking and driving, drug use, etc.:

1. Establish a clear position on these subjects yourself. To do this, clarify a vision you have for your child and decide how that vision will be accomplished. Also, visualize how drugs will alter that vision. Then establish your family position on drugs and the consequences of not following these established guidelines. The consequences can be both positive and negative. Positive consequences should result from positive behavior. An example:

"You will not use alcohol in any form."
Negative consequence - no allowance for a month
Positive consequences - after 3 months, have friends over for a pizza party

Research tells us teens that know the expectations of their parent(s) are less likely to get involved in trouble than those teens that don't know family expectations. Providing a clear family position on issues shows teens that parents care.

"In short, the impact of parents is more important than commonly thought. Your power as a parent comes from several sources, and its effectiveness is marked by the time spent with your children and the consistency of the message."
(National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse, Columbia University)

2. Network with other parents - Know where your teen will be and for how long. Know the person's address and phone number and agree to a check-in time with your teen. This will make you feel better and reassure your teen that you care about their well-being. Clear expectations between parent, teen and other parents and teens bring everyone together for a fun, safe event.

3. Share your feelings and expectations with your teen - show your concern for your teen's safety in a sensitive, non-accusatory way - e.g., "I feel scared and worry about you when you are out with your friends. I love you and want you to be safe." This expression encourages positive youth development and strong family bonding. If a parent doesn't approve of something a teen insists on doing, you might respond by, "I don't think this is the best choice, but if you're determined to do it, I'd like to help you think about a way to do it that keeps you safe."

Tips for Parents

When your teen is giving a party:

• Establish basic ground rules. Stress that responsiblity for hosting the party belongs to both you and your teen. Create a guest list and stick to it; this eliminates the possibility of crashers. Be sure to let your teen know in advance that alcohol and other drug use is strictly prohibited.
• You and your teen should know the law and the consequences of serving alcohol and other drugs. It is illegal to provide alchol to visitors under the age of 21 or to allow guests to use drugs in your home. There are criminal charges for risking injury to a minor. You are legally responsilble for anything that happens to a minor who has been served alcohol or other drugs in your home.
• Stay home during the party. Provide adequate supervision without going overboard. Don't hang around, but be seen regularly. Be aware of the signs of alcohol and other drug use. Don't allow guests to come and go; this reduces the risk of teens going off to drink and drug and then returning to the home.
• Anyone who tries to bring in alcohol and other drugs should be asked to leave. Call the police if anyone you ask to leave refuses to do so.
• Contact the parents of anyone who arrives at the party under the influence. Do not allow anyone who is drunk to drive home. Provide transportation.
• Plan a party with a theme, and games. Be sure to keep refreshments and non-alcoholic beverages well-stocked. Get out and meet your teen's friends.
• Tell the police and your neighbors you are having a party. Discuss an agreeable parking plan. The police will help protect all that are involved in the party: your guests, your neighbors and you.

When your teen is attending a party:

• Call the host. know where your teen will be, how long, and what will and will not be served. Do not allow your teen to attend if alcohol is being served. Verify with the parent of the party giver that the party will be well chaperoned.
• Be aware of how your teen will get to and from the party. You or someone you know should be able to provide a ride home if needed. Tell your child never to ride home with a driver who is under the influence of alcohol and/or other drugs. Talk to your child about what kinds of situations may arise in which s/he'd need to call for a ride home.
• Set the time your teen will be expected to get home. Be awake or have your teen awaken you upon arrival.
• If your child stays with a friend overnight, check with the friend's parents to verify the plans. Don't allow last minute "spontaneous" sleepovers, if possible.
• Thank the party's host the next day.

Peer Pressure - How do teens refuse trouble when everybody is doing it? Knowing how to refuse trouble is a skill all teens should know. Parents can help teens avoid trouble and keep their friends with the use of these skills. Skills practiced before needed provide teens with the security to avoid trouble.

Identify a scenario with possible trouble

• Ask questions... "What are we going to do?"
• Name the trouble... (Teen responds) "That's ...!"
• Identify the consequence... (Teen identifies) "If I did that, then..."
• Suggest an alternative... (Teen thinks of alternatives to suggest to friend) "Instead why don't we..."
• Move it, sell it, leave the door open... (Teen practices telling a friend who refuses to do another alternative) "If you change your mind..."

Remind your teen if pressure continues they should try looking the person in the eye and repeating the person's name while continuing to express the above skills.

Remember, taking time to practice these useful skills before trouble begins allows teens the security necessary to say "no." Try playing a "What if" game with your teen: make up scenarios and ask teens how they would react prior to Prom Night so the skills are fresh in their minds and trouble can be avoided.

The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University report that "children tell us that their parents can be the single greatest influence in their decision not to use..."

What Can I Do in My Community?

One of the best ways tp help create a healthy environment for your children is to be an advocate for such an environment in your community. Entire communities need to work together to ensure that young people receive the right messages about alcohol. Any program to prevent under-age drinking should include education, media literacy, resistance and problem-solving skills, and community norm and attitude changing.

An important step you can take to prevent your son or daughter from drinking is to work with others in the community to create a protective environment in which the pressure to drink is minimized and adolescents can avoid experiencing the consequences of alcohol use.

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