How to Help A Friend

Helping a friend or loved one with an alcohol problem can be difficult.  Because alcoholism is a disease, rather than a behavior, chances are that you won't be able to change you're friend's actions, but you can show your love and support and perhaps help them to recognize that a problem exists and get them to seek help. 

Where to start:
Before you do anything, remember, you can't do everything!  Don't take responsibility for fixing or solving your friend's problem and realize that they may not want to change or to listen to what you have to say.  Be prepared that your friend may be resentful or angry with you for bringing up his/her drinking and totally deny that a problem exists.

Helping Basics:
If you believe a friend or loved one has a drinking problem don't ignore it!  Make a list of all the things that make you feel he/she may have a problem and of obvious examples of how his/her intoxicated behavior has caused problems or put others at risk.

Approach your friend, and without judgment, let him/her know your concern.  Stating your concern gets it out into the open and shows you care. It might also make your friend face the problem.

Use "I-statements" to express your feelings. "I'm concerned about how much your drink."  "I'm concerned about how sad and withdrawn you've been lately."

Don't take it on alone.  You may not feel qualified to help your friend with all of his/her problems.  Learn about resources such as AA, Alateen, counselors, health providers, or substance abuse professionals in your community who can help your friend.  Have a few phone numbers or contact information for these resources ready to give to your friend.

Avoid conflict.  If your friend gets hostile, remind him/her that you bring up the subject because you care about him/her.  Back off and let what you said sink in.  Often people need time to think about the concerns that have been expressed.  They have to internally challenge their own self-deception.  Bring up the subject again at the next good opportunity.

If you are seriously concerned, TELL AN ADULT.  It's easier to repair a rift with a friend than to lose them permanently to alcohol or drugs.

Keep in touch.  Contact your friend regularly.  Encourage him/her to continue talking with you and to reach out to other friends for a wider support network.  Offer your encouragement and support and continue to let them know that you care.